today was the first day of the easter conference at church. the speaker, MA Joy was really interesting. and animated. hahah. he'd act out a lot of stuff so that we wouldn't get bored easily. Not that we're bored of what he's saying. The thing with most speakers/messages is that the message is really interesting, but sometimes your mind just wanders off after having listened for like 10 minutes straight, so yeah you need something to pull back your attention to the speaker, that is before you suddenly realise that you've been distracted. Because I usually miss quite some stuff before I finally realise that I've been distracted, then I continue listening and try to pick up from where my mind wandered off. hahah. Well, MA Joy answered quite a number of questions that have probably hung around in my head before but then I just forgot about it. So this was good.

also, I don't like crowds much. And the thing at these Easter Conferences every year is that after the message, during refreshments, everybody is like EVERYWHERE. srsly it's really disorientating for me. I got all blurred. It was even more disorientating suddenly seeing so many people from bible camp which I wasn't expecting, or maybe I just wasn't ready for. So yes I mostly being a wall flower, or when unfortunately there was no suitable wall to hang at, I'd be stuck awkwardly between two conversing people. Hah. I saw Michelle and she seemed a little out of place too, idk. And so after all that blur-ness, of course I was affected, and so I became what I'd describe as lifeless. Like I CAN'T THINK. I can't make conversation. [thing is that I was perfectly fine before the whole after message thing, I mean I could even hold a conversation -a short one, consisting of maybe 1 or two lines, but still- with that certain someone.] I don't know where to go and stand. And everything is so awkward and busy and everyone's moving and I don't know what I'm supposed to do or where I'm supposed to go because...

there IS no where I'm supposed to go and
there IS nothing I'm supposed to do.

on second thought, maybe there is. Maybe I was supposed to go find my bible camp friends and say Hi to them instead of just trying to catch their eye to smile at them, but failing to do so I instead walked past them.
I'm terribly sorry I was such an unfriendly zombie tonight.

and I have to say, thank you God, for giving me good friends who still want to be with me when I'm all lifeless and boring.

I don't get why my friends want to be my friends. I honestly don't deserve them. I can be so boring, have absolutely nothing to say, react to things and situations in a really weird manner, and sometimes I really don't act like a friend, and yadayadayada.

that said, y'know how I wait for someone to say Hi to me before I say Hi to them.... or when people put their arm around me but I don't, in turn, put my arm around them. I hope they don't think I don't like them or anything... I truly appreciate the love, it's just not in my nature to put my arm around anybody but my little brother, or another explanation- I don't know how to express my love for my friends and family back. I just thank God for them in my head, not realising that the one who just gave me the hug CAN'T READ MY MIND for goodness sake. I'm in a world of my own, honestly. So they show me some love, but they leave without the assurance of my love back. [sorry bout all this love business, heh, i'm not sure i'm using the appropriate words here, but it doesn't really matter since nobody's gonna read this, except for Jon the nosy parker. :P jkjkjk]

anyway. i was actually planning to blog today about David Archuleta. But I think I'll save it for tomorrow. I felt so relieved of all my David-Archuleta-loooveee when I saw Zara in church. hahah. And it also helped that I got to gush with my dear friends in school.

[why the colours and italians? heh I'm just trying to make my post look nicer. heheh. otherwise it'd just be a block of words. which it still is, of course, just that now, it's a COLOURFUL block of words. :) ]

ps: i'm trying out Verdana. ;)